Lizzy's Life update, May 2010

Hello friends and family,

Things are improving for me. I had my birthday last week, and it was a fabulous day full of love and fun. I lunched by a river with my friend Tom, weeded my patio and visited with my favorite kitty, meditated, did yoga, and had a party at the Marpa House with my Buddhist friends and my Buddhist teacher. It was lovely lovely

As well, my body is working much better. I still have big ups and downs. Last week I was sick all week, I think from eating poorly and overdoing the exercise last weekend. I never know from one day to the next whether or not I'll be walking just fine or whether or not my belly will feel OK. But, if I take care with what I eat and drink, avoiding red meat, dairy, gluten, soy, too much sugar, too much alcohol and overeating, I feel OK. And, I've been climbing again. Woohoo! I can't overdo it. I did last weekend and suffered the entire week. As long as I go easy on myself, I'm fine. I have pain when I climb, especially when I put a lot of pressure on my ankles. It's much easier for me to climb steeper terrain. Hiking is OK as long as I don't go very far.

It's very interesting to watch myself slowly slowly heal. I've become very in tune with my body. When I ignore it, I have pain and I suffer. If I pay close attention to when I'm hungry, when I need to exercise (I do yoga four days per week), and when I need to rest, I feel OK. As well, taking care of my mind is incredibly important. Despite experiencing a very painful and sad breakup with my favorite person in the world, I'm actually feeling balanced. I'm present with the pain, for the most part. On occasion I go off on tangents, blaming myself or her or getting angry. But overall, I find I'm just sad. And it's OK. I love my Buddhist practice for what it has taught me--some peace, balance, harmony with myself, love for myself.

I think also the Travacor and Excitacor I'm taking has done wonders to balance my brain chemistry, making it easier for me to actually be balanced. These natural aminos/vitamins help raise the levels of seratonin, epinephrine, and dopamine in my brain. My life-long struggle with depression likely is a result of low levels of these things, according to my naturopath. And, considering how OK I have been throughout the process of my illness and breakup, I think there's a lot of validity to her diagnosis and prescription. It's awesome that I feel OK.

Love and hugs to all my family and friends,
-Lizzy
ps. I'll be doing some cool things this month. I'm heading to New Hampshire for a women's climbing weekend, where I'll be teaching. I'll be sure to post a bunch of photos.
pps. thanks so much to all the people who have been so supportive of me through this process. Much love!

Today it's hard to be with myself

Today, all day, I had a hard time being with myself. I wanted to run away from the pain, but I couldn't. I tried to blame the pain on something, but I couldn't do that either. There's no blame. It's just pain and sadness. There's nothing to do but be with it. I think sometimes that I need to feel another way than I feel right now, or I need to do something other than what I'm doing right now. But the reality is I am just who I am right now, and as long as I'm not harming others, I need to really just experience who I am at each moment. There's nothing to change or to do. My dharma friends say that this is being on the path.

Does this sound circular? It sure feels like it. The last week I have watched my emotions go all over the place. They are like crazy little people running around my head. One minute I deeply smell the purple iris blooming outside and the next I can't stand the moment and I try to think of various ways to avoid it.

Gawd, I miss my partner. She is just the coolest person I have ever met in my life. The pain and sadness of her absence is unbearable at times. I know it will pass, as it always does, but it sure sucks right now. But while it sucks, I'm spending as much time as I can meditating so that I can really, deeply experience nowness. I meditate on my rolling and roiling emotions. I meditate on how so many millions of other people are feeling what I'm feeling right now, including my sweet ex-partner. And I meditate on the fragrant orchids.

Heidi Wirtz and GEI featured in Climbing magazine!!!

This is just great news for our nonprofit!
-Lizzy


Check out the 40th Anniversary, May 2010 issue of Climbing Magazine for an excellent feature article on Heidi Wirtz and Girls Education International, by Chris Weidner.

Doing better

Hi family and friends,
I'm doing much better. I'm off all nasty drugs and am only taking "natural" drugs. And I'm being really careful with my diet because, apparently, that has a very real effect on the pain I feel. They ruled out Ankolsing Spondylitis and now think I have reactive arthritis. I have more tests to take. Back to work! I'm in the process of building out the new Office of Alumni Relations website for the College. It is loads of fun! Back to work. :)
Have a wonderful day everyone.
With love, Lizzy