I continue to experience significant pain. I'm not sure I'm getting better. It's difficult to say. I only take one anti-inflammatory per day now because they make me feel sick to my stomach. So, my stomach definitely feels better. But I do hurt more. I continue to exercise regularly, though the last two days I haven't been able to. I see another rheumatologist on Thursday. He is supposed to be really good. I'm hoping he can shed some light on what is going on.
My attitude has been significantly better the last four or five days. I know this isn't the end of the world, and I really enjoyed the sunny weather and playing my mandolin this weekend. It is a bit difficult for me to be upbeat at the moment because my whole body hurts. But I expect I'll have more good days, and then more bad days, and then more good days.
On the other hand it is mildly terrifying not knowing what is happening with my body. I lie in bed and just look at my legs. They are so small now--I've lost 8 or 9 pounds and am not gaining it back. I look at my body. I am still strong from exercising, but I can barely walk some days. It is so strange.
I read about the alleged disease I have, and I think, "OK, I can really deal with this if I change my diet, exercise regularly, do what the doctors say." And then I hurt really badly for a few days. It really does put life in a new perspective for me. Wow. Luckily I"m not depressed. I feel like, despite how sucky this is, that this is a positive thing. I feel as if I'm living in the present moment like I never have before in my life. The pain brings me back again and again. I can't make plans. I don't even know how I will feel tomorrow. So, I am here now.
1 year ago