every day is different, and i appreciate all the days. even the 15-hour work day i had yesterday and the 6-hours of doctor/therapy appointments today. every day i'm learning something about myself, reality, the truth of my existence. today i realized how bad i have always been at setting boundaries. i've always felt guilty/bad about hurting other people's feelings, to the extent that i betray my own self/desires to ensure other people feel OK/good. but i'm not going to do that anymore. i need first to feel good about myself, and then i can empathize with others, but not to the extent that i don't feel good about myself. i can't help anyone without first loving myself. so, to the fellow on the bus who invades my space all the time, despite the fact that i'm clearly not interested in you, (i don't want to date men!), please respect my space and leave me be. don't sit next to me anymore. i don't like it. you don't make me feel good. leave me alone.
and to the people who tread over me thoughtlessly, respect me and my space. do not take me for granted. do not treat me carelessly. it is unkind and unloving.
dang, it's hard to say that and to do that. my instinct is to always try to help people feel better. but why when i am not 100% confident about myself? i'm not sure. i have never really thought about it before. but through therapy, through serious meditation, through amazing dharma and non-dharma, but very self-aware friends, i'm realizing it now. i am cool; i am beautiful; i am loving. i do not deserve to have people not treat me with 100% respect and love.
thanks so much to all of the family and friends who have been so incredibly loving and supportive of me. i appreciate you more than you know.
much love, lizzy
1 year ago